I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
