He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
