You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
