who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
