A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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