Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
