I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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