I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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