using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
