If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
