ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
