How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize