I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
