You're a womanizer and a bitch.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Randomize
