At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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