you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
