2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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