Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
