Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
