My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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