his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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