If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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