No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
