I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize