So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We're too hungover to prance.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
