they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
