I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You can't motorboat a personality
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize