Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
