i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Mom said you looked used
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
