hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize