white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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