I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Text me some of your sweat
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
