Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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