question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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