We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
