if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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