Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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