Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize