happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
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