i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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