used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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