Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
