Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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