Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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