She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
send nudes
from the living room?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
