____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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