Don't make out with my wife yet
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
