alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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