Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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