The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
