I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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