Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
