He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize