Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We talked him into tasing himself.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The feeling are messing with the penis
BRING THE BAGELS
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
