Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Let the clothes fall where they may.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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