Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
