we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
