I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
