THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
