Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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