OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
