I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize