Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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