giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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