Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
