hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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