So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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