you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
