But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
