So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
