ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
