I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
