I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
worst night to have a conscience
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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