he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
