her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
