Pappa wants mamma naked
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
