What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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