So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
it's great music for shaving your balls
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
